I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
