Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
