I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
