We're facebook friends in real life
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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