so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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