So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
