Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
