Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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