Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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