pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
