Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
