Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
