I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
