Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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