I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
