My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
