Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
