Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
