Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
