U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
