just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
