I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
