in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.