So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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