I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
