Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!