He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.