His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?