Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
