Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow