Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
