i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
