I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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