I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
