How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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