I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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