It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
