Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
