I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
