mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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