I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
