hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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