I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
