Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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