how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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