can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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