please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize