i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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