i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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