how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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