After last night, I could never be a politician.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
