Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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