I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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