man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
