I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
