my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
