I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Someone signed my nipple.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
