but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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