Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
