He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
