I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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