I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
