ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
