Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
