i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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