Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
