mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
