just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
