I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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