I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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