piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
