i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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