Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
