if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My liver just broke up with me...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
