grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
