She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
