I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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